She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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