On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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