i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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