Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
