I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
