I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
