I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
