all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am spending my child support on dildos
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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