i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
