I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
should my penis look like a turkey
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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