I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
