i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
