she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
