You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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