whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
