That's intense
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
