do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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