That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
