So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
