My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
