Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
