i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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