he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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