I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
