I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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