her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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