dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
