You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
