she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
