I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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