Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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