he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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