I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
