Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Randomize
