it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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