anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
