in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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