I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
