my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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