I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
