Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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