She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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