I can't watch pbs sober anymore
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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