we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
