We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
