I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
