"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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