I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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