A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize