There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
