He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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