No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
