How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
