the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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