I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
