he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
