so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
