he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
