if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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