I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
