I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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