this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
