it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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