we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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